Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
