When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Randomize
