I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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