Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
