Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
