All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
