I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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