He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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