I think I won the penis lottery.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
