if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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