The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
