fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
