dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
