Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
