My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
God, I missed his penis.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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