Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
