if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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