The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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