I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
