His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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