Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
