I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm going to jail i love you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
