Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
