how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
