So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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