gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
