did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
