btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
