Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dicks are not precious.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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