He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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