North Korea, Best Korea!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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