I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize