never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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