Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize