I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
