So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
