You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
