I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
