is your mom at the bar?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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