thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
