You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
