My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
