my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
