you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
