A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
