I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
