they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
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I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
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being pregnant is like rehab
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.