mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
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They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants