she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.