i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.