yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me