ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.