make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
