i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
