I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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