At least make sure they are 18
Why
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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