i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dicks are not precious.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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