when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
