Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
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So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
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I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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