Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
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how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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