Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
