dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Enjoy the penises
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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