Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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