she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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