is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
honey bunches of taint.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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