I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
