omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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