id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
