if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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