you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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