I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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