The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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