it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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