I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
