nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
