you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
