What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
