his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
