i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
