I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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