$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
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Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
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He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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