Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
