THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
