Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
