did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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