So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
