Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threesome in a minivan. New low
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize