Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
